Although it’s kind of a terrible thing to take advantage of people’s weaknesses especially when it’s for no good reason than to win a silly argument, it taught me that most times you can’t blame people for seeing you how you see yourself in your darkest moments. If you believe lies about yourself and accept them as your reality, people will come to accept your lies about yourself as the truth (Look at me being all philosophical and sh*t).
You cheat yourself by not taking chances on things that you deserve
Positivity isn’t about having a happy-go-lucky Forrest Gump attitude to life, or being stupid and having unrealistic goals and expectations. To me, positivity is simply giving yourself more opportunities to succeed and get what you want out of life. It’s about taking more chances and having more options because of the chances you’re taking. If you’re a psuedo-realist or pessimist, chances are that you mentally disqualify yourself from a lot of stuff because you feel you don’t deserve them, or you regularly end up taking no for an answer on the first try because the negative answer you’ve received validates the negative outcomes you expected- and gives you a solid excuse to not try for anything again because, well, it tanked the first time didn’t it?
The truth is it’s easier to be negative than it is to be positive. It’s easier to disqualify yourself than it is to reach for things and risk the possibility of getting a no… or a YES. It’s easier to believe your dreams will never come true than to give them a chance. I used to never reach for things and tried to limit myself to what I thought was just “reality” but the truth is just that I was afraid. These days I’m learning to actively be less afraid. and to anyone reading this, TRY. Just TRY. please give yourself a chance. trying and giving things your best feels good because you never know what can happen when you open the doors up to possibilities.
These days I’m happy to try not because everything I try works out, but because I’ve seen the effects and I know the more I try, the more I give myself the chance to succeed at more stuff- and success in the little things fuels the desire to try for bigger things. I always give myself a pat on the back these days for every application, every ask, every time I do something and did not let fear hold me back. I do this because it’s a big leap from the person I used to be, the person that felt stupid for trying things once in a blue moon that didn’t work out and held on to the fear of losing or the fear of failure longer than the effects of trying those things lasted, if there were any effects at all.
You miss out on amazing relationships
Another strange thing that happens when you have negative thoughts is how it ruins your relationships.
When I was in university, I had pretty low self esteem, partly because of the thoughts I had about myself. Because of this, I’d actively push people that genuinely cared about me away.
Sounds extreme, but usually, your mind cannot accept that other people love, care about and accept you for who you are if you haven’t learnt how to love, care about and accept yourself. You find yourself doing weird things like declining visits because you don’t like how you look; or not inviting people to lunch for your birthday because you’re convinced no one will show up. I’ve been there and done that and it’s definitely not a great place to be.
Your career takes a hit
You’re that person that doesn’t apply to jobs that you actually want and are qualified for because they’ll never hire someone like you. You wait for 6 more months at your current job to “gain more experience” and even after you do, you still feel under-qualified. This is because the problem isn’t with your experience or your lack of, the problem is you. Your feeling of unworthiness is preventing you from starting your business or applying for that job. It’s also preventing you from sending that email.
I could go on and on about the different ways you can keep yourself from the life you deserve and the different ways negativity keeps you from getting the best out of life but that would make this a book and not an article. But please stay positive.
If you have to have a power playlist to motivate you, do it. If you have to sit in front of the mirror and say positive things to yourself or write uplifting things in a journal, do it. No, you’re not being corny, you’re literally saving your life.